Christmas wishes

The Advent candle is lit, most of my cards are now up, I have a roaring fire, just two sleeps until Jesus’ birthday and it’s not raining! What more could a girl want?

So many cards I have received have contained thoughtful messages which I really appreciate. A few cards were addressed to Mr and Mrs and one or two to just Simon so I’ve been writing letters and doing some detective work to find contact details. I was particularly pleased to receive this response from Michael Diamond who was Chair of the Yorkshire Arts Visual Arts Panel for part of the time when Simon was the Visual Arts Officer for Yorkshire Arts from 1978 to 1985 (Michael’s ‘real job at the time was Director of Bradford Museums).                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

‘As you know, Simon and I had become just Christmas card friends over the years, but our initial contact was, I think, important to both of us and certainly left a huge impression in my mind. I was of course, as others witness, immediately impressed by his imagination and enthusiasm, and by the way he constantly came up with that extra little dimension for everything he dealt with. Our ‘big moment’ came when Peter Murray at Bretton Hall College submitted a grant application for £1000 to pay for a sculpture trail to be installed in the grounds at Bretton the following summer. Simon and I looked at each other and both said ‘this could be much more than just a one-off job’. We went to Bretton to talk to Peter, and the Yorkshire Sculpture Park was born. So there you are – it was me and Simon wot did it! I left Yorkshire in 1980 to become Director of Birmingham Museums, so we drifted somewhat apart. But although we never became close buddies I always remembered that ‘big moment’, and Simon’s huge contribution to it. I am really saddened that such a huge talent is no longer with us’.

Yes of course I am missing Simon lots and last week I had some days when I felt really low and certainly not peaceful in mind and spirit but I went to witness a wedding of a local girl who I used to teach on Friday lunch time and then had a lovely time at the Smiley Faces Christmas party – also in church as that’s where the mum/baby/toddler/grandparent group that I help to lead every Friday afternoon meets – and my spirits lifted. The couple getting married were bubbling over with happiness and I have rarely seen a bridegroom so excited. It was lovely to hear him say that it was the most right thing he’d ever done in his life. Yesterday afternoon was also special as I was invited to join the Malhamdale ladies and a group of Muslim ladies and their daughters in the Quaker Meeting House in Airton. After lunch together, lamb or vegetable hotpot and red cabbage, we made 150 Christingles which we later took to Kirkby Malham church (after tea or fruit punch, Christmas cake and Wensleydale cheese, scones and Stollen) where they were distributed this afternoon during a special Christingle service. I worked with a lovely lady and her two daughters and niece from Bradford and a Dutch lady, who had just arrived to spend Christmas with her sister who lives at High Trenhouse on Malham Moor.

My daughter’s words in her Christmas newsletter ring true with me too so I’d like to finish with them. I hope this Christmas finds you healthy, happy and not far away from someone you love. I will be with Eve and her family on Christmas Day so I will certainly be near to four people I love very much.

Hope

I’m just back from a walk on Barden Moor followed by an amazing cake and cappuccino in a little cafe at the entrance to Strid Wood. What a treat being out with good friends and enjoying spectacular views in all directions and all of it almost on my doorstep. It’s the third walk I’ve done in the cold, crisp, bright weather we’ve been enjoying. On Wednesday and Thursday I went exploring on my own and discovered some footpaths and a lane I’ve never walked before. On both occasions I was out for about an hour and a half and only saw two other people and they were in the distance. All the time Simon’s Seat was in view above me – that was Simon’s favourite hill. When he was fit and healthy he walked up it every weekend often with a rucsac filled with bricks and large books if he was training for one of his ‘big’ Sherpa expeditions. There is a short steep ascent and a more gradual one – of course Simon opted for the challenging one. I sometimes went with him but more often than not he left me ironing or doing schoolwork. When I did go with him we both loved the scramble to the top and the views across to Parcevall Hall and down to Skyreholme. It was easy to imagine him standing at the top looking down on me as I walked along Skyreholme Bank – a warm feeling like the wintry sunshine.

Simon's Seat  is the rocky outcrop in the distance

 I was finding November difficult so decided on the spur of the moment to see if I could book a couple of days in Parcevall Hall, the Bradford Diocesan Retreat Centre. It turned out to be a good decision as the two days away were peaceful and very refreshing. The staff at Parcevall Hall are so caring, the food is delicious and it is lovely and warm which is not always the case at home. I wrote letters to go with Christmas cards abroad and did a lot of thinking. I have decisions to make but decided not to make them. I’ve never been on a personal retreat before. I can definitely recommend it and hope to do it again soon.



Can you see a glimpse of Parceval Hall through the trees?



 I’ve just lit my Advent candle – no calendar this year. I wonder if my grandsons have opened most of their calendar doors already when I arrive tomorrow morning. Perhaps they will have more self discipline this year but when there’s chocolate it’s very tempting. I’ve got a lovely Christmas story book to read them. It’s so easy to forget the real meaning of Christmas isn’t it? I’m going for a minimalist approach this year and hopefully all the razzmatazz of Christmas won’t blur the real message of hope and love.

Challenges

What a lovely week we’ve had weather wise in Yorkshire.  What's it been like for you?

Grace’s first week at work in London has been a long one and I think it’s going to take her a while to get used to getting up at 6.30am and starting her commute three quarters of an hour later and not getting back to my friend’s home in Laleham until 6.45pm. So far she’s most impressed by the free tea, coffee, cold drinks, soup and fresh fruit which she can help herself to all day long. The team she’s working with are very welcoming – they’ve already taken her out to lunch and drinks are planned after work tonight. So I guess I don’t need to worry about her.

I was in London myself last week for a Think Global Conference and also stayed with my friends Anne and Bill in Laleham. The conference was in the same area of Central London where Grace is now working so I did the same commute – once was enough for me. I am too old for commuter trains when you have to stand for the entire journey packed in like sardines. Travelling to and around London made me sad as Simon used to do it so often. I came home very weary and to be honest I’ve felt weary ever since so perhaps it’s time I gave myself a break. I had a great evening last night though at a Fairtrade Fashion Show at Skipton Girls' High where I used to teach. The school band helped to create a lovely atmosphere and there were lots of interesting stalls so I did some Christmas shopping. My favourite buy is a shopping bag made by artisans with disabilities in Tanzania using a recycled flour bag, lined with fabric and with a recycled rubber long shoulder strap. Somehow I think I won’t be giving that away.

Just watched Team Rickshaw complete their 411mile journey for Children in Need and I’m so impressed by their achievement. The challenge for them was enormous but with the support of the team, their families and all the people they met along the way they’ve made it and raised well over £1m. Fantastic! The film of the best bits of the 8 day journey from Llandudno and London were brilliant and I’m sure that all of them are now brimming with confidence and ready for more challenges in the future.

Come to think of it that’s exactly what I need, a physical challenge. A friend and his wife have just returned from trekking in the Himalayas and spending some time in India. He couldn’t stop talking about it when I saw him, he was really buzzing. However, I think something simpler for me - maybe learning to swim. I never learnt when I was young because I had constant ear problems and there was no swimming pool nearby. For me that would be really scary. Simon on the other hand was a really good swimmer and two of my grandsons are brilliant in the water.

Changes

My laptop in the house is playing up so I’m sitting in what was Simon’s barn office using his computer. Apart from a few small things everything is as it was. As yet I don’t feel able to deal with deciding what to keep and what to throw out even though I know that it would make so much more sense to move my work things over here instead of having them cluttering up the house. The barn, its contents and their organisation represent a large chunk of who Simon was and I'm obviously not ready to dismantle it yet.

Who can resist kicking up a pile of leaves at this time of year?

I can’t believe that it’s three weeks since I last wrote. Since then autumn has definitely arrived and the Sierra Leone trip I was getting so excited about has had to be cancelled due to the SL national elections being held in November. Schools are closing next week and will stay closed until after the elections or longer if there is any trouble. Hopefully there will be another opportunity to arrange something in the spring. Both daughters have had disappointments too and I am proud of how they are dealing with them. Grace didn’t get offered the job in Scotland and has had another interview since which she also didn’t get but on Tuesday this week she’s going up to Scotland again to be interviewed for a research assistant job with a MEP -  we’re keeping our fingers and toes crossed for that one. I do love having her at home though; the delicious evening meals she makes and of course the company and someone to come home to. In Eve’s case the extension work has stalled because of the company who were supplying and fitting the windows going bankrupt and lots of little problems constantly need sorting out.

Two things have given me a real buzz recently. I went to Bradford University and ran a workshop on food ethics, mostly in relation to Fairtrade and food miles for second year undergrads on a BSc course. The students were an eclectic group and very appropriate for One World Week. The free One World Week event in Skipton I help to plan every year was all day yesterday. It was a great success and for the first time it looks as if we will have covered all our overheads through the lunch, coffee and tea sales. We had a speaker from OXFAM who was talking about the Birth Rights Campaign – despite free antenatal care for pregnant women in their country since 2008, 75 women per week are still dying in child birth in Ghana. We also started a book of messages for Malala, the 14 yr old schoolgirl from Pakistan who was shot in the head by the Taliban for campaigning for education for girls, and who is now recovering in a hospital in Birmingham. Lots of people wrote messages and children drew pictures for her. Let’s hope she makes a full recovery and is able to resume her education soon.

I am reminded of Margaret Meade’s words ‘Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has’.  What do you think?

Plenteousness

How many pencils and pens do you have in your house, more than ten, more than twenty, more than fifty? I had more than fifty and still have lots even after Grace and I went through drawers, pots and pencil cases this week to find some to go into the two backpacks we’ve been putting together. We’ve also had lots of fun trawling charity shops in Harrogate and Ilkley looking for metal spoons, children’s shorts, t-shirts and dresses. All this because our vicar decided that this Harvest, as well as fresh produce and non-perishable foods, we would collect items for the Backpack Project, a simple way to help children from poor families in Liberia and Malawi get an education that will help them escape poverty in later life. The whole idea obviously caught the imagination of many  people in the congregation and the ‘Smiley Faces’ group I help to lead on Friday afternoons, as we got loads of items this morning and we’re going to have lots of fun making up the backpacks this week.



Some of the backpacks in the process of filling

Africa has always had a special place in my heart since Simon and I spent two years in Sierra Leone and I’m so excited because I have the opportunity to go back for the first time next month. If all works out I will be travelling with a teacher from a local Dales primary school to Bo, the second largest city in Sierra Leone, to visit some of the schools there that have links with Craven schools. It will only be a short visit but hopefully the precursor of a future visit longer visit.

When we were working in Sierra Leone one of my very good friends was married and next weekend is her Ruby Wedding Anniversary. Today (Sunday) I drove across to Pilling, on the Fylde Coast of Lancashire where I grew up, to celebrate this milestone. The party was a surprise and at a daughter’s home, a farm that specialises in breeding dairy cattle - as soon as the heifers calve they are sold and their female selected calves are reared until they themselves have their first calf. After a delicious lunch some of us borrowed wellies and were taken on a tour of the farm. When I was a teenager I used to help my granddad milk whenever I could so I really enjoyed being up close and personal with the cattle, especially as nearly all the farms that used to have dairy cows in our village now only have sheep.  Whilst we were walking around hundreds of Pink Footed geese flew over in several V shaped formations back to their roosting places on the marsh after feeding on the rotting potatoes and corn yet to be harvested on the moss land. A wonderful sight and very common in Pilling at this time of year.



Just a few of the geese



Anniversaries

Today is my wedding anniversary and this afternoon one of the lovely girls I taught at Skipton Girls’ High was married in the village church in Embsay. It doesn’t seem very long since she was sitting in my classroom! Today is a beautiful autumnal day but it was showery, cool and dull 39 years ago when I was married. The weather didn’t dampen our spirits though - Simon was terribly nervous and even signed the marriage certificate in the wrong place - I was very excited. Back then I had ginger hair and lots of freckles in the summer so a cream dress was a must, but in 1973 everyone wore white and choosing not to wear white had connotations. Since Thursday my hair has been temporarily (it will wash out in 12 weeks or so) restored to almost its former colour. I felt like a change.

Although Simon isn’t here to reminisce with me or make cheeky comments about my hair I haven’t felt sad all day, only grateful that we had so many adventures together and pleased that I have lots and lots of happy memories. We have a living legacy in the shape of our children and grandchildren who never fail to delight me (frustrate me too at times!) yet also remind me of the huge challenges of family life – hard work but so worthwhile.

Sorry I can't get this image to be the right way up! I think the sculpture could reflect the characteristics of a successful  marriage. If each pebble respresents one year we didn't manage to complete this arch. Constructing this must have needed a lot of patience and a knowledge of mathematics so on that basis I couldn't have done it.

Thank you to the friends who have remembered and sent messages. It seems very strange ngetting any anniversary cards although we didn’t usually get many but it’s still my wedding anniversary and  I appreciated the two pretty cards I received earlier this week. I have worn the heart shaped felt brooch Simon chose for me all day.  I joined his mum for a delicious lunch which she had made for us both. My contribution was fresh Scottish raspberries. I wonder how much longer they will be around as the season of mists and mellow fruitfulness gathers pace – yes I’m fan of Keats’ poetry.

I love having Grace at home although I don’t expect that it will be for very long. She has a final stage interview next week in London and if that doesn’t come to anything she will be making sure that there are other opportunities to go for. She is finding the Yorkshire weather a bit depressing and doesn’t like running in the rain so that has posed a few problems on most days.  Wearing new running shoes with a special insole to correct her flat footedness is working and she has already set up a Virgin Money Giving account to collect sponsorship for the MSA Trust when she runs in the London Marathon next year.  Here is the link if you would like to sponsor her www.virginmoneygiving.com/GraceRoodhouse

Just heard that Volume 5 of the Creative Industries Journal (CIJ - Simon was its Founding Editor) will include a celebration of Simon’s work. I’m looking forward to reading that because Simon considered each issue of the CIJ to have the potential to introduce new ideas, explore new areas and introduce new voices not previously heard so I am wondering  what will be said about his contribution to the Creative Industries.



Cornwall, Devon and the beautiful Yorkshire Dales, coastline, sandy beaches, green lanes, heather clad hills, all have been part of a wonderfully varied last three weeks.                            

Landscapes have always fascinated and intrigued me and introducing others to the special places on my doorstep is fun as is exploring new places. I’ve been able to do just that with some very special visitors from Australia, Simon’s brother Peter and his wife Angela who were not able to come to Simon’s funeral, and Simon’s school friend Per and his two daughters. Per tells me that we met in 1976 but I have no recollection of that visit possibly because I was busily occupied with a new first baby. With so much wonderful scenery on my doorstep it’s always a hard choice deciding where to walk and grouse shooting on the moor meant we were not able to walk up to Simon’s Seat (yes it’s the actual name of a hill that Simon used to love to climb) yesterday. Nevertheless plan B turned out to be just as lovely and the weather was perfect. Before our walk we (all Simon’s three siblings and their spouses and three of our special friends) had planted a mountain ash tree alongside Simon’s grave. Hopefully it will thrive and produce lots of red berries to feed the birds like the many we saw on our walk yesterday.

Amidst all the other excitement yesterday Grace arrived home from New York with four large suitcases plus hand luggage. She will hopefully soon have a job and be settled somewhere in England. It would be great if she could find something in Leeds but it is more likely that she will end up in London. She looks well and is already planning to start her training regime to run the London Marathon next year. She will be raising money for MSA and looking for sponsors. Her target is at least £2,000 to compenate in for the expected pain.

If you watch Wartime Farm this week on BBC1 at 8pm on Thursday you will see my son in a tweed suit and braces looking rather like his granddad. His book on the Black Market during World War 2 is due to be published in March. I feel sad when I think that Simon will not be able to read it. He heard so much about it and it has been a long time coming.

                                   

Energising

The sun is shining and it is a beautiful day in the Yorkshire Dales, Team GB are doing wonderfully well in the Olympics, I have been able to spend time with some very special people whose friendship I cherish and my son’s three children will be arriving to stay with me for a few days this afternoon. What more could anyone want?

There have been several things I have not had the inclination or the energy to do since Simon died but after spending three days in Staines with a friend and her husband who I have known for over 50 years and five days in Kirkliston, near Edinburgh, with Simon’s most ardent blog follower and her husband, friends for 37 years, I am springing into action. I have been to see the solicitor who has everything he needs to get probate and I have been sorting out other pressing matters related to finance. I have also ordered a litter bin made from 100% waste HDPE, the plastic that is commonly used to make milk and juice bottles, for the church car park. This plastic never biodegrades and doesn’t rot or splinter or need painting. Simon and I both hated to see the small and very unattractive, wobbly previous bin overflowing. The one I have ordered has a lid so should look much neater – I know benches are the usual in memory items but Simon was a maverick and liked to challenge perceptions! Next week it will be completing Simon’s tax returns - it is easier to go into his barn office although I still feel a bit guilty about moving the things he had arranged so meticulously.

Whilst I was in Staines my son-in-law was able to get me two tickets for the dress rehearsal of the Opening Ceremony for the Games. It was such an amazing experience for me. I’ve never been to a big concert or in a stadium that can hold 80,000 people or found myself in such a huge throng of people making their way home – there’s more sheep than people in the village where I live. I am sure that the images from that evening will stay with me for the rest of my life. James, my son-in-law, has been working flat out for months in the Olympic bubble along with thousands of others and I am so proud of him and my daughter who has been holding the fort at home, managing a big building/house extension project, a new job and her two extremely lively young boys.

There were also exciting images to see in the Jupiter Artland in the grounds of Bonnington House, outside Edinburgh which I visited when staying in Kirkliston. The contemporary sculptures and installations by amongst others, Andy Goldsworthy, Charles Jencks, Anya Gallaccio and Anthony Gormley were a delight. Just have a look at the website and see for yourself www.jupiterartland.org The picture shows one of my favourites - a living, growing, changing sculpture in which people and wood will play equally important roles. It's only one tree hosting a boulder, there are lots more.

Random thoughts

It’s often said that after a few months people stop asking how you are, ringing you up for a chat, asking you to meet or sending a thoughtful email. This is not my experience. I have some wonderful friends and a family who are there for me when I need them to be. Saturday afternoon was an example when Wendy and Ian picked me up and we went for a 7 mile walk. I think we will always remember Simon when we walk as he enjoyed teasing Wendy and was always in his element, relaxed and happy.

Lower Barden Reservoir - it wasn't quite like this yesterday but  just as beautiful

Since I wrote two weeks ago I have been learning how to use Simon’s Nikon SLR digital camera. I got in lots of practice when the Minister of State for International Development came to Craven - I had organised an event for him to meet organisations, groups, individuals, schoolchildren and teachers who are promoting international development and Fairtrade.  It went really well. There’s an article with three of the photos I took in the local online newspaper, the Yorkshire Times.

The permanent link is here http://yorkshiretimes.co.uk/article/International-Development-Minister-visits-Craven-Summit

It still feels very strange going into Simon’s office library and I am certainly not ready to start sorting through his things there. He did so much and it is there in profusion, very important to him but probably of little importance to anyone else. My dad was saying the same thing about his possessions when I visited him today. He has spent so much time researching family histories and tracing old maps of the village in which he has lived all his life. It will be one of his legacies and a very interesting and valuable one for me, my children and their children.

It’s going to be another busy week. On Thursday Eve and the children will be moving in for a few days as the builders are taking over their home. Before then I’m going to a conference in Birmingham.  Perhaps the boys will help me write next weekend. Have a good week.

Busy, busy, busy

My niece’s thirtieth birthday party, the church garden party (held inside the vicarage because of the rain), the opening of the Community Library in the village, the Festival of Culture and Sport followed by the arrival of the Olympic torch in Skipton, the Eco-schools annual show in Sheffield, a concert in the grounds of Giggleswick School to celebrate its 500^th anniversary, with the Halle Orchestra and Tim Rice acting as compere have all kept me out of mischief in the past nine days. They have also provided some magical moments. The fireworks accompanying Tchaikovsky’s 1812 overture at the end of the concert were magnificent and made up for the three and a half hours of shivering in the damp and cold. I’ve also been busy watching Wimbledon in the evenings. What a thrilling match the Rosal versus Nadal one was.

Yesterday, as I delivered bundles of the Embsay with Eastby News to the distributers at my end of the village someone asked me ‘Are you getting there?’  I didn’t quite know how to respond. I thought to myself ‘getting where’ and where do I want to get anyway.  That’s an interesting question. Simon was always a man with a vision and a mission. Latterly that was to bypass the bureaucracy of educational establishment and recognise people who were learning in the real world of experience. He didn’t get to where he wanted but he inspired others who continue to carry the torch he lit. That makes me feel so proud.

Isn’t it great when people from different life histories and age groups observe the world in the same way? I often think that when I meet people who share my passion for creating a fairer and more sustainable world. That happened not long ago as I was having lunch with a friend and we were talking about the huge disparity between what workers get paid for making sportswear and equipment and how much the brands are making. A young mum on holiday with her family overheard our conversation and came across to talk to us and asked me to send her the Olympic facts I’d been working on. I did and since then we’ve been in regular email contact.

Eco-Schools Show - 'I am made from 1 tonne of textiles. Did you know that 1 tonne of textiles is put into UK landfill every 30 seconds?'

Maybe I’ll watch the football now or maybe not?!

Message and smiles from Grace

Achieving a long term personal goal is terrific isn’t it? I have been looking forward to my fiftieth blood donation and last week I did it. It made me smile inside and out.                                                         

Smiling is the focus of this week’s blog written by my daughter Grace. It’s not the first time she’s written for the blog. Here are her words now.

Happy belated Father’s Day to the daddy’s out there! Father’s Day should probably have been a difficult day for me; it wasn’t though because daddy always scoffed at Father’s Day, he said it was just another made up holiday for the card companies to make money; this was very typical of his general attitude to life, and something that I treasure.

This past week has been somewhat of a transformative one. On Monday morning I was taken aside at work and told that unfortunately they don’t have vacancies for full time staff and that they would keep me on for another month as an intern while I look for something else. They also offered to give me glowing references and put me in touch with some recruiters.

This caused me to reevaluate my current situation and question where I want to be and what I want to do next. If Daddy was still alive I know he would be a measured voice of reason affirming that I was making the correct choices as to what I should do next. He was always really good with the career and life path guidance stuff. A reassuring voice when I was finding new pathways challenging and assuring me that I was capable of working things out. In fact the last time I spoke with Daddy on Skype, a week or so before he died, I was talking about how I was finding work an exhaustingly steep learning curve, he finished the conversation by telling me to “keep smiling,” this was a mantra I know he was trying to abide by in his struggle with MSA, and now I try to make it mine.

So with the idea of keeping smiling in mind I have been thinking about what to do now my time at Brunswick is coming to a close. I have come to the conclusion that what matters is to do something that makes me happy and with that in mind I am considering a move back to Leeds for a little while. My visa in the states is coming to an end and I have missed my friends and family massively while in the U.S. I have also come to realise that I miss the countryside and the ability of the rural landscape to lift my soul. The skyscrapers of NYC just don’t do that for me. Reid has also agreed to try out Britain again, he misses British pubs and fish and chips; it has nothing to do with me!

I thought I would be coming back to the UK to support mummy with my dad’s decline, but in the end that isn’t going to be the case. It will be hard to go back to The Old Chapel for the second time without Daddy being there, although the first time when I went back for the funeral I felt his presence in the house which was lovely. It will be difficult because it has been easier to accept his passing living in NYC as he was never here with me to start with. There will always be things that are difficult in the months and years ahead, but in the past two and a half months I have come to focus on the positives and have enjoyed telling stories about daddy to others, although some people are still awkward about me talking about my deceased father. Things have got less painful, it isn’t just a cliché.

Grace and Reid smiling , Christmas 2011

Parties

It has definitely been the week for parties and other social events for me. How about you? The village picnic in a farmhouse garden to celebrate the Diamond Jubilee was cold but the company was very warm and the tasty delicacies provided by one family were melt in the mouth wateringly good. I haven’t felt like opening a bottle of wine since Simon died but I was pleased when I was asked to share a bottle of red with two ladies who are well into their eighties. Thursday’s party was very different. My niece has reached the 40 milestone and her daughter arranged a fun evening for her, a meal first with family and friends and then a disco. I braved the flashing lights and loud computer generated (?) head banging music for about ten minutes, watched some very interesting movements on the dance floor, admired the decorations and then decided I just had to leave them to it. I did dance the following evening. It was an 80^th birthday celebration for a much loved and wonderful lady called Rose. She surprised everyone by wearing a stunning dress she had bought in the 1960s. All three events were memorable and very happy occasions.

It is so important to make memories and what better way than bringing lots of people together. It’s a chance to step out of our routine lives and catch up with friends and acquaintances and to meet new people. It would have been easy not to bother and I certainly had to force myself to get into the car and drive to Lancaster on a very wet evening for my niece’s celebrations. I am so glad I did.

This afternoon I’ve visited a lovely garden in a nearby village and driven on to visit a textile artist in her open studio/home. In both places I saw a riot of colours and met lots of people I haven’t seen for ages. One person was the mother of a girl I used to teach and another was one of my ex students at the High School. We exchanged memories and caught up with each other’s lives.  It has reminded me that we are all part of the people we meet and the people we meet are part of us, some a lot more than others. I can think of a few special people who have inspired me and helped to make me the person I am today and of course one was Simon.

I am moving on, on some days apparently easily and occasionally painfully; two journeys simultaneously in the world of the world and in the inner world of myself and my relationships. It’s all one world really.

Have a good week and take time to make memories.

Wanderings

I have been discovering the pleasures of walking on my own this afternoon. I set out for the Yorkshire Dales Ice Cream farm, a short walk from home across the fields that I must have done hundreds of times in the time I have lived in Eastby, but there was no incentive of an ice cream at Calm Slate Farm until two years ago. I sat at the top of one of the field stiles for a while, listening to and watching the birds. Four curlews circled in the sky for a time and there was a lone lapwing making its characteristic peewit call. I walked through a big meadow bright yellow with buttercups. Lower to the ground were flimsy dandelion clocks, bright pinky red clover, ox-eye daisies, delicate may flowers and bright blue speedwell. It was so peaceful until I got to the top of the convex slope and saw and heard the Ice Cream Farm. I intended buying my favourite Mango sorbet but the queue was too long so I didn’t bother and headed back home. The last time Simon and I visited in March we called there on the way back from the gym. It was warmer than today but much quieter.

The events in the village this weekend and the programmes on television and articles I’ve read connected with the Diamond Jubilee have all encouraged looking back to significant events. I have enjoyed seeing the youthful images of the Queen especially as a young mother. One programme included extracts from letters she had written to her mother soon after she was married. It spurred me on to look at some of the letters Simon wrote to me when he was working in Newcastle during the week and only coming home at weekends in the mid 1980s. I also have all the letters I wrote to my grandma around the same time. I used to write to her every week and I never realised that she’d kept them all until I was given them when she died. After she died I continued my weekly letters but to my dad.

Simon’s letters reminded me of how hard he worked how passionate he was about getting things right and how much he cared for and loved me and the children. They also helped me to feel his energy again. Having lived in the slow lane with him for at least two years I am finding it hard to lose the images of the body he inhabited when he died. I don’t want to remember him like that.

Simon would have loved the Himalayan garden and sculpture park I visited with a friend last week. It is only open for six weeks each year when the azaleas and rhododendrons are out. It was a tonic being there as I am sure you can imagine when you see the picture below.

A special visit

What a brilliant week it has been with almost wall to wall sunshine here in Yorkshire. The eleven Sierra Leonean teachers who were visiting their link schools in Craven had a perfect week. I met them on Friday when I was helping them and their English teacher partners to review and evaluate their visits (the Craven teachers visited Sierra Leone in the February half term) and joint global learning projects. We also did some action planning and discussed the possibility of setting up a teachers’ resource centre in Bo, Sierra Leone’s second city and where the Sierra Leonean schools are located. Simon and I met in Sierra Leone when we were starting our teaching careers and worked in secondary schools in the capital city, Freetown, for two years. It was a life changing experience for both of us then so I was very excited to meet the visiting teachers. 

Schoolgirls in Bo

Earlier in the week I had been wondering how they would be adjusting to our affluence; how expensive things would seem to them even in our cheapest shops and markets – Sierra Leone is one of the poorest countries in the world and teachers’ salaries are a fraction of what they are here. Then I had an idea. Simon didn’t have a huge number of clothes but what he did have was always good quality so why not choose some of his leather shoes and lightweight jackets and offer them to the eight male teachers. Lucy, the link coordinator in Craven, thought it was a great idea so after we finished the training she put names in a hat and we got out the shoes and jackets – the first name out of the hat got the first choice and so on. The four pairs of shoes went first – leather shoes are impossible to buy in Sierra Leone. They were hugely appreciative and it makes me smile when I think some of Simon’s things will be loved and worn with pride in the country we both loved.

I had a chance to speak to Millicent, one of the female teachers yesterday as we ate our lunch together in the sunshine in the Millennium Square in Leeds. She was telling me about her experiences during the civil war that ravaged the country from 1991 to 2002. She was four months pregnant at the time and had to run for her life when the rebels attacked Bo and burnt down her house. As she and hundreds of others ran many were shot. She managed to get shelter for a night in a village 70 miles to the north but the rebels arrived the following day and lined up everyone, separating the women, men and children. They all thought they would be shot and she prayed earnestly. One man tried to run away but was captured and beheaded in front of his three children and everyone else. She was spared and took the children of the man eventually managing to get them back to Bo and their grandmother. When she returned to Bo she had nothing so had to manage by collecting firewood and selling it on the roadside. Yesterday she was content to sit in the sunshine and marvel that twelve years after all this happened she was in England. She had no money to spend but she has a future and a job she loves, three children and a home. It was a privilege to meet Millicent, a lovely gentle Christian lady.

Pig Racing

Pig racing, a trip to the cinema to see ‘Salmon Fishing in Yemen’ which Simon would have loved, a Fairtrade Schools event in Harrogate and a walk across the fields to the Yorkshire Dales Ice Cream Farm with my two youngest grandsons this morning, are just some of the things I’ve been up to this week. Oh and I’ve been wearing my new jeans and they are far more comfortable than I was expecting them to be. I also met up for lunch with a good friend and former colleague of Simon’s who now lives and works in New Zealand. Simon had been so looking forward to seeing her again but sadly it was not to be.

It’s just six weeks and two days since Simon died and yesterday the bill arrived from the undertaker. I can almost hear Simon saying well that’s the final nail in the coffin then. Despite all that has happened since Simon died I still can’t quite believe that I will never be able to have another conversation with him. I know that some people, including my dad - I still think talks to my mum every day - find comfort talking to their departed loved ones but I don’t. From time to time though I do recall Simon’s words to me, - usually the encouraging supportive ones and when he was teasing me.               

At last, the catalogue for the exhibition which includes some stunning photographs arrived on Tuesday last week; 5 days after the pots came home but it was definitely worth waiting for. Included is an interview with Simon about his collection – it gives yet another insight into my multi faceted husband.

I expect not many of you have experienced an evening of pig racing so I thought I would tell you all about it so that you know what you’ve been missing. First of all as you can see from the photo real pigs are not involved. By the way Adam, my 5 year old grandson acted as one of three official starters for two of the races – he’s the one with the Union Jack face in the photo. The pigs are identical, fluffy and pink and battery operated. The coloured ribbons around their necks identify them, for example my pig Roody in race 2 had a green ribbon. The ribbons are taken off after every race so no one knows the pig that is programmed to go a little faster than all the others. You bet on a pig or pigs in each race (in units of 50p). It gets very exciting as the pigs walk, or is lurch a better term, erratically towards the finishing line with their noses and tails twitching. The punters who have placed bets on the winning pig get a share of the winnings. I won nothing all evening and the two pigs I had sponsored were useless but Adam won a race with the much fancied ‘Scooby Do’. Pig racing evenings are not only good fun for all the family but great fund raisers – we raised over £800 last night for our church. So what’s stopping you organising one? The next thing I want to organise is a ‘Big Bra Hunt’. It’s an OXFAM idea – more about that another time.

Beautiful things

Simon would have been so pleased this week as he got a letter saying that his Cultural Quarters book, translated last year into Italian, has won the Premio Opera Straniera. I am not sure what that is but it sounds very grand doesn’t it? He would have also been pleased to see his pots back home after a very successful exhibition for Craven Museum and Art Gallery. There were 12,948 visitors, many more than usual for an exhibition at this time of year. The Arts Officer wrote in the visitor’s book ‘Thank you so much for your generosity in lending us this collection, which has made this the best, highest quality exhibition we have ever had in the gallery.’ I had lots of reservations when Simon said he wanted to do this but it was absolutely the right thing to do. I’m glad they’re back home now though.

It’s good to experience new things isn’t it? Yesterday I bought my first pair of jeans! Simon never liked men or women wearing jeans. My daughters who seem to live in jeans when they are not working will be amazed. I also helped to lamb a sheep for the first time this week as my neighbour and farmer friend needed me to hold a ewe while he pulled the lambs out. I now have a large bruise on my hand from a horn as the ewe struggled to free itself from my hold.

I’m discovering that I need to embrace sadness and find ways to combat restlessness and not being able to settle in the evenings sometimes. Looking at the beautiful things we have acquired together works wonders. Simon gave me some lovely contemporary jewellery. He chose carefully and my favourites are the very individual fun pieces. That reminds me of Keats’ words, ‘A thing of beauty is a joy forever, its loveliness increases; it will never pass into nothingness.’ It’s so true and I am very lucky to have beautiful things to enjoy - thank you Simon. You have certainly left a wonderful legacy in so many ways.

Lessons from Simon

Simon mentioned his friend Ian in several of his blogs and this week’s words apart from this opening paragraph are his. To go with Ian’s thoughts I have chosen the photograph he took last winter. It shows part of our boundary wall which Simon recently used as his computer screen saver. I have been thinking about walls this week perhaps prompted by seeing Eve’s extension walls grow and interior divisions emerge. The new walls stand where the garage used to be. It was so much easier to knock down the garage walls than build up the new ones. Walls are very like our feelings aren’t they? It’s quite easy to make people sad by the things we say or don’t say. This week my walls are feeling strong because of the time I have spent talking to friends on the phone, reading email messages and letters or even better spending time with them. I have also felt free – as Simon’s body was failing him increasingly walls were hemming me in, but now they have been knocked down. Ian’s thoughts follow.

I cannot claim to be Simon’s life-long friend as I have only known him for about the last ten years. At first like many others, I felt a little intimidated by his direct manner and fierce intellect – he was never one to hold back on his thoughts, especially on art and education. Prior to MSA taking hold, we “enjoyed” many of his very long walks in the Dales and I therefore got to know him better - his immense energy and a passion for work, education, family and community.

He was an excellent hill walker – we called him the Mountain Goat who went faster up the hills when we were all flagging. My wife would bring along copious amounts of cakes and tea to try to slow him down but only with partial success.  I’m sure he thought we were all wimps and needed to toughen up. 

The onset of MSA was a great tragedy to a man of such drive and intellect who thrived on debate and communication. But Simon refused to be cowered and beaten. His approach to MSA was so inspiring. 

He made sure we all knew everything there was about it but he never complained to me about his condition even though I knew he was facing tremendous physical and mental challenges.

At our monthly lunch, we would witter on about politics and financial markets as well as his “hot buttons” of tuition fees, workplace learning and motor racing. I found myself doing more of the talking as his condition worsened but he never failed to listen carefully and come up with some insight or witty comment that would take me back or make me laugh.

My friendship with Simon taught me many lessons about how to live a full and ambitious life through whatever it throws at you. Just say yes to all new experiences, work and play hard, retain a positive attitude with a sense of humour, remain curious and hungry for knowledge, and above all, never accept no for an answer or second best. I learnt from him that it is good to question, challenge the accepted wisdom, and do things differently with a dogged determination.          

Simon, I will miss your wise counsel and never forget your valuable lessons on living and illness. It was an honour to carry you in a beautiful woolly coffin to your natural place in the Yorkshire Dales where I know you will rest in peace.     

Life goes on

What a week - rain, rain and more rain, grey skies and today cold winds so it was not surprising that early Tuesday morning was the first opportunity to visit Simon’s grave. The sheep had been selectively nibbling the flowers but otherwise all was neat and tidy and it was good to greet the farmer, as he arrived to feed his sheep and deal with the new lambs that had been born overnight in neighbouring fields. His farm, None-go-bye, was studied by my geography GCSE group more than ten years ago so I know it well. He had dairy cattle then but like many Dales farmers he sold his dairy herd because it was no longer commercially viable to keep it.

I continue to receive cards, letters, emails and flowers. Two emails came from ladies I have never met but who have been following the blog. These were particularly poignant as Brenda and Sonja are on the MSA journey too. I wish I could visit them and give them a big Yorkshire hug.

It has been really good to get back to work this week, especially as it involved delivering training for a group of fantastic teachers from schools who all have Global School Partnerships with schools in the Mongu district of Zambia. Having three of the head teachers from the link schools in Zambia also doing the training in Selby made it very special and for the whole day I didn’t think about the events of the past month but I missed chatting to Simon when I got home.

One of Simon’s most faithful and responsive blog followers is Joanna, a friend from the early years of our marriage when we lived in New Lanark, Scotland. She has sent me her thoughts and I think they make a fitting finale to this week’s blog.

I have heard people saying that someone they knew had shown them the way to die and I have always been unconvinced until now.

Simon made me look at several things differently as I was growing up:

• Art maybe? He was my Art Appreciation teacher at Lanark Grammar school briefly!
• Relationships – Simon and Liz - romance in grownups! Goodness, I thought us teenagers were the only ones
• Curries – our trip to Bradford remains David’s “best curry” story 25 years on           
• The value of beautiful objects

And now this.

I am glad Simon didn’t take his illness without anger. I respect his outrage!

I am glad Simon kept his sense of humour. I loved reading about the medical profession getting teased and put in their place.

I am so glad we met up in February and had the pleasure of walking around the ceramics exhibition and seeing that sparkle was still there in his eyes.

I am so glad I was able to speak to him about my family and, despite his difficulties with his speech, get reassurance from what he said.

So about the way to die…..

He made us all pay attention and be outraged with him - Quite right.

He made us all think about our relationships with him and how to show how much we valued them – Thank you.

He kept us feeling fully informed of what would come next and then slipped away quietly, leaving us feeling astonished – Well done Simon.